Toon’s Review: Terminator Salvation – 5.5/10

A Tale of two cities, on one side Kyle Reese and a machine enroute to salvation deliver a powerful an action packed tale… while Christian Bale lets his ego demolish the other half of the film.

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I love Linkin Park, just fantastic. Brilliantly unique and timeless. Christian Bale is a demented fool. Does he think his stupid little koala bear voice is cool? What a retard, seriously I think it took him five or ten minutes in to the start of the movie to realise that he is not playing Batman anymore. That, for the record, was the most pathetic incarnation of Batman this side of Adam West. Over the course of the movie you will notice his silly little voice gain some composure and sensibility but hardly enough to (excuse the pun) salvage his pathetic acting. In any case, we will talk more about John Connor later.


The story basically revolves around a death row inmate, Marcus Wright, who donates his body to research only to wake up fifteen years later as a cyborg in the future with little understanding of what the hell happened. He however finds a chance at redemption when he meets a rag tag survivor named Kyle Reese, and develops a surviving relationship with him. Over the course of the movie he seeks out action to rescue Reese after he is captured by the machines, John Connor also makes it an objective to find and save Kyle Reese (who is John Connor’s real father in the past when Kyle Reese time travels back to the 90’s and knocks up Sarah Connor… I hate time travel and it is completely nonsensical in the Terminator world so I am not even going to bother discussing it). Marcus’ side of the story is captivating and well acted, he and Kyle Reese had excellent chemistry on screen and the action on this side of the fence was phenomenal. On the other hand John Connor’s side of the story is poorly explained and executed, with the motives and grander scale of being mankind’s saviour was completely devoured by a monotonous Christian Bale.

The set pieces really do deliver a vociferous oomph!
The set pieces really do deliver a vociferous oomph!

Terminator Salvation was ultimately disappointing; something which I thought was not possible given my extremely low expectation of the movie coming in. Reviews abuzz on the internet lambasted this iteration of the franchise so I lowered myself to expect only some fine set pieces across the two hours. Instead I was treated to a couple of outstanding performances by newcomers to the industry in Anton Yelchin (Kyle Reese, also played Pavel Chekov in Star Trek) and Sam Worthington (Marcus Wright). Also incredibly satisfying were the action pieces which were delivered with a real oomph, this movie is loud friends… really loud and I loved that. So why the bitter taste in my mouth, you may ask? The potential, of something excellent was disparately thrown to shit by a decidedly weak and cut out version of the film… this was meant to be an R-rated movie but the powers that be decided otherwise. You will notice some very brashly cut scenes here and there that really threw a lot of necessary character development to the wind. My opinion is still open to whether the fault of this movie lies in MCG’s direction, something I shall decide should I ever get to see something akin to a Director’s Cut on Blu-Ray. Minor quibbles these are however, to my greatest issue… Christian Bale.

Funny, Christian Bale the human delivers an awful robotic performance compared to the machine portrayed by Sam Worthington.
Funny, Christian Bale the human delivers an awful robotic performance compared to the machine portrayed by Sam Worthington.

I swear to my soul this is the worst John Connor I have ever seen, this guy is a walking tin can and it is so bloody obvious how lazy and un-bothered Bale is in his portrayal. In the hands of a much more motivated actor, I might have given some credit to a very lackluster plot. But more on that later, Bale needs a stick up his ass and straight through his faulty guts, this guy is such a cock headed dementia infected fool that it makes me grind my teeth. His ego has gone through the roof, I am not even remotely surprised that he was accused of assaulting his mother and nor am I laughing anymore at the absurd f-bomb treatment he gave the cinematographer of Terminator for accidentally walking across a scene. What a retard, and McG is a vagina face for allowing such disgusting behaviour. Christian Bale has lost his mind, after Batman Begins he has completely degenerated himself. From the bottom of my heart, I truly wish to spit on his face and then runaway because I am sure he would end my life without even flinching. Just for the sake of it, the credit he has received for The Dark Knight is completely blind and idiotic. Bale’s Batman is everything that Batman is not. His hand to hand combat portrayal was ridiculously analogous to an autistic man with a vagina face as well as his composure and stature. Batman does not walk, run or fly the way Bale did in that movie, hell Batman never ever runs… like I am talking about the physical act of running. Batman does not run, yet he set flight like a little girl on the verge of diarrheic implosion at the end of the movie. His voice was plain ridiculous, I saw The Dark Knight again the other day and I swear all I remember are fantastic scenes by Heath Ledger and Aaron Eckhart. I do not even recall a Batman or such a thing. I loathe Christian Bale to the depths of hell. Sorry.

I greatly digress I apologize, I feel like this movie could have been a great movie but it was just lacking a grander scale. A larger story, if the war for the survival of mankind was taking place… then this would feel like just a little skirmish. I find that unacceptable, the larger story of Terminator mythos is too important and too critical to be ignored the way it was. This movie started in the middle of nowhere and ended at the end of nowhere, with nowhere to go. Given that this movie is planned as a trilogy, just like pretty much any other big budget movie that has come out in recent years, it was extremely unfulfilling as compared to very promising starts to franchises such as Transformers, Iron Man and even Star Trek. These movies served as a beginning, hence they carried a number of faults but where they delivered was in the potential department of something so much bigger and epic in their second iterations. Sadly I feel this Terminator reboot has no potential to build upon under the direction of MCG and the lead of Christian Bale. None what so ever, this s*** is terminated.

5.5/10

(credit to movies.ign.com for the images)

One Response to “Toon’s Review: Terminator Salvation – 5.5/10”

  1. Toon’s Review: Public Enemies – 5/10 (spoiler free) « Popcorn, Coke, and The Toon Says:

    […] / Paste feelings from my ‘Terminator: Salvation Review‘ and ‘The Dark Knight […]


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