Toon’s Review: Aeon Flux – 1/10

Do not watch this movie.

I have seen some bad movies in my life, real bad ones but most of these I expect to be as such. Although there are times where my expectations are so bloody low that I could care less what entails a movie, I just watch it for the sake of some usurpation in that it may not be so bad. This is not one of those times, I am so bored of watching Aeon Flux I wanted to stop watching it, and in fact I have because I am writing while in the corner of my eye I am watching a lady gallop through a vegetable garden with pineapples that fire bullets like machine guns.

A very good looking woman in a very bad movie.

A very good looking woman in a very bad movie.

Read on after the break…

Oh my god, the lady has a pipette in the heels of her boot. This lady is Aeon Flux (Charlize Theron), an assassin working for a rebel organization trying to bring down a government that has ruled the world for 400 years. The whole world is just one city for that matter, a disease wiped out 99% of the population and the finders of the cure now govern this utopian society that is blady bla bla bla. What on the surface is meant to be pathetically pretentious sci-fi future big brother kind of society where the few control the many, just comes off as a hideously multi layered conspiracy theory with a twist and turn accompanying every scene change. Not that I care the least bit because this movie has been done better in every single way possible. Dark City has  a better story, Matrix has better action, V for Vendetta has better acting, I could go on naming the twenty other movies Aeon Flux borrows from but that would be as unexciting as watching this movie.

This movie contains awful cinematography and the most idiotic make up and costumes to boot. The acting and script are equally inept. The music is a confusing blend of sans Arabic and thumping rock, neither of which suit any kind of mood in the film. The security guards, the ones that are not pieces of vegetable and fruit, are either wearing black motocross helmets or a Robocop suit. For a futuristic society, having a vegetable garden as the security force surrounding the presidential palace is the stupidest thing I have seen since… I have to change this sentence because this movie just kept 1-upping its stupidity factor. The assassins communicate via a silver mentos that they swallow. One of the assassins has hands implanted on instead of feet. She is ugly as hell.

When the twist and turns come to a head, it is a moment as awkward as seeing a third testicle. I could care less that this movie is based on a comic, or an anime or some silly incarnation of entertainment on MTV. In the end however it does make sense that something so absurdly stupid as Aeon Flux finds itself on a television channel that is completely responsible for defecating on the minds of tomorrow a.k.a. our children.

1/10 – Just because Charlize Theron is an attractive woman.


2 Responses to “Toon’s Review: Aeon Flux – 1/10”

  1. Japanese Kimonos Says:

    This is an awesome article, Ill be adding you to my list.

    • toonstar Says:

      Thanks, no problem, go ahead!

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